Whirlwind Weekend... Picking up Penn, Riding, Vet Checks

So everyone gathered from my last post that I bought a horse. His show name is Illusion, barn name is Penn (like the illusionists Penn and Teller. I think they're hilarious.) I'm still getting used to calling him Penn since I've always known him as Illusion.

He was broke to ride at 5, apparently has a year of dressage training (yet he still really doesn't know anything), and spent the 6 weeks before I saw him turned out in a field. His hooves are good, but the shoeing is a mess and that'll be fixed Friday. Riding-wise, he'd only been ridden in an indoor, he enjoys curling instead of meeting the bridle and shoving his head between his knees. He's soft and willing, but just doesn't know anything, and wears out quickly because he has zero muscle/topline. His second ride outside was my test ride.

Adorable and he knows it.

Last Saturday:
My trainer went with me to pick him up last Saturday, and good thing because he's been on the trailer only a handful of times and had no qualms about telling us what he thought about getting on. I would not have been able to get him loaded.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" *insert rearing here*

So we finally got him on (it took 3 of us). No drugs, but also no butt bar- we finally got him to stand very nicely in the trailer, but my divider swings (two horse straight load), and so it would bump him and then he'd panic about the butt bar before we could get it hooked up, then he'd just blow through everything and fly backwards. I can rig up the divider to hug the wall of the passenger side of the trailer, so I did that, we loaded him, then hurried up and lifted the ramp and locked it in place before he figured out he was trapped. He didn't like that. He stood like a perfect gentleman as soon as he realized he couldn't get out. No whinnying, no pawing, no dancing, no flinging. Stone still. He even went to sleep.

After we got him loaded and we were driving, I asked Trainer if we still liked him, and she was like, "Ohhh yea, we still LOVE him." She thought that in the past, he probably got away with not loading by threatening to rear or actually rearing. She said he went too quickly to it and everything else she had seen about him said he was probably one of the most agreeable horses on the planet.

He stood like this for the 6 hours home. I love trailer cams. Thank you Husband!

He settled in just fine Saturday afternoon, met a few of the other boarders and became an instant love bug.

Sunday:
He got to go out for a couple hours Sunday morning while stalls were being cleaned and before horses came in. Trainer said he went out and immediately ate grass, no problems, no running.

Penn went for his first trail ride ever Sunday! So we're at ride 3 (or so) in the great outdoors, trail riding. It was like a trail ride from Babies R Us. The horses that went:

1. Trainer on one of her babies who events at Novice but has been under saddle for about 8 months.
2. Trainer's mom and her New Vocations OTTB (Son of Dixie) who has been at the farm for less than a week and his last race was the end of June
3. Me and Penn, less than 24 hours on the farm, first trail ride, and 3rd ride outside, my 2nd ride on him.
4. Boarder and her baby horse, a Dutch Warmblood who has been on one other trail ride and has been under saddle for 3 months.

Baby horse galore! Everyone was super awesome. Penn is an excellent follower. He figured out that he doesn't need to step over every tree shadow, but is very unsure about wet footing. Poor indoor ridden baby horse. You'll learn because we have no indoor! He was awesome, but I was not. I forgot my phone in the barn so I couldn't take an ears picture!

By the way, he doesn't like carrots. WTH?

Monday:
Monday was his vet check. I came out to the farm early to ride Shea and long line another baby horse (Trainer tweaked her hip and so riding/walking was tough for her).

Riding Shea:
Shea gave me quite the lesson. I haven't actually worked her in months, I've just hacked her around. She goes the bit and uses herself very willingly now. She's the type who doesn't like being wrong, wants to please VERY BADLY, and when it's not working for her, she gets tense, shortens her neck and runs off. It took me a little while to get the trot work down, but we finally got to a stage where I could soften, she would soften and stretch her neck to meet the bit, I could soften some more, she'd relax so much more, then one of us would do something to set the other off and we'd have to start over as she speeds off.

Canter was interesting- Mikey had a large, rocking horse stride canter. Easy to sit and follow. Shea's is not like that. My timing in the canter was BAD. I was working off Mikey's tempo, Shea was like, "That's not my tempo!" and we fought, she shoved her haunches in, head up and inverted, running off. Back to walk. Trainer told me to quiet my shoulder and get my seat back in the saddle and following by putting my shoulders up and back like I'm trying to push back a recliner. Back to quality trot, back to canter. I made that one change, found Shea's rythym, and she answered by immediately coming round, softening, relaxing, and using herself. It lasted like 4 steps because she's just not strong enough to hold it together, but it was there.

We swapped to the left lead, and she picked up the wrong lead and promptly lost her marbles. As I said, she doesn't like being wrong. Then I goosed her in the transition because she dropped the right side of her back to pick up the left lead, and I effectively shot her out from under me. We did one more transition where I spent more time paying attention to me and not goosing her, and we did very well. I look forward to riding her more so I can get used to that kind of thing so I don't mess up my baby horse.

I came back from riding Shea to see this. All curled up, sleeping quite soundly!

Eventually he flopped down and slept like this for a while.

Long Lining: (aka starting a snot-face b*tch on the lines)
So my trainer has a mare in for breaking/general riding training that absolutely refuses to move under saddle if she feels any pressure at all. She plants herself and won't move. She very much thinks she knows what she should be doing and refuses to listen to the rider. This isn't a, "ohh she's not ready, let's go back to the very beginning, blah blah blah." I promise. The mare has been under saddle off and on for almost a year and is just difficult (she's like that to lead on the ground too). She doesn't take direction well. Lunging, kicking, and praying don't work.

Trainer decided to try long lining her, because nothing was working under saddle and it was just frustrating. She needed a helper to get the horse started, but since she couldn't walk well enough to keep up, she was the helper and I was the driver.

A perk of long lining is that the horse can't lean on the rider, they have to carry themselves and go forward. Disclaimer: Please find a trainer to teach you how to long line your horse. Things can go wrong quickly. You have to have a feel of what's going on in front of you and an eye for it too. You have to know when to push and when to let the horse decompress.

This is the first time I've long lined a horse where I know more than said horse (horse has never long lined), yet it was still as much of an education for me as it was the horse. Trainer walked the horse to a level field, I "drove" behind her, then locked us in. She led on for a little bit before walking away and letting me take over the steering. The mare tried to follow Trainer (fine) and we encouraged her to keep moving forward. That wench threw a major temper tantrum. She reared, flew backwards, spun. She backed herself into the split rail, broke it, spooked herself and bolted. I had to let go of the lines. I wasn't going to get run down/backed over/kicked/dragged and I didn't want to wrap her in the lines. She galloped around the field like a crazy thing before she quieted enough that we could catch her. She didn't step on the lines once, by the way.

Reset, Trainer walking, me driving. We got a bit further, until I used some right rein to ask for a turn right. Temper tantrum number 2. Pressure. Any pressure and she melts down. She wrapped the line around the base of her neck a couple times as I attempted to stop her spinning, I let go so she wouldn't keep wrapping, but she stayed still and let us unwrap her and reset. I don't like letting go of horses when lunging or long lining. I feel like it teaches them to break away. But this was a case where the horse doesn't have much self preservation instincts and so I had to have them for her.

Things got better from there. Each tantrum was less, but anytime I applied pressure (left rein, right rein to turn left) her first answer was to stop, rear, spin. Eventually we got to a point where I would give her a direction (very gentle) and clucking (hell no on carrying a driving whip), she would plant herself and start threatening. As she was planting herself and getting ready to rear or spin, I would take one rein at a time and pull her head back and forth until she stood. Yes, it sounds crude. I promise it wasn't. I had to break the rear (it's the same thing you'd do if you were under saddle!). I'd give her a minute of no pressure and just standing when she stopped threatening me to decompress, then cluck and see if she moved forward. If she went to threaten again, we started over. If she moved forward, there was lots of "Good girl" and praise. Then I'd ask for whatever it was the set her off (aka, let's turn right!).

After about 20 min of walking in a field, she was finally agreeable to walking and turning right or left as I asked, and moving forward with clucks or when I flapped the lines on her side. That's not to say she was happy. She wasn't. She was still ready to threaten me, but she wasn't sure how to accomplish it in a way that she would win.

She got a bath and put away, and I needed a shoulder rub after working Shea and this mare!

Vet Check:
Penn's pre-purchase was that afternoon, and was much less exciting than my morning adventures.

The vet commented on his whole left front being slightly turned out. She noted a broken rib that had healed with some callous on the left side, and one tiny splint on each of the front legs, on the inside of the cannon bone. She noted on how adorable he was and how well behaved he was.

He passed his flex tests with ease, and she was happy that the rib didn't seem to stop him from bending or stretching, so it became a non-concern. She noted how flexible he was, and how he essentially sat on her when she was testing his hocks, haha.

His xrays found a small bone issue in the left pastern joint- a section wasn't smooth like it should be, but it wasn't at risk of chipping, and it's not OCD. We took 4 veiws of the joint and could only see it on the one view. All his other xrays came up clean, and he stood perfectly for all of them to be taken. I was going to keep him on Mikey's OCD Pellets as a general joint health supplement, but now we'll keep him on it and xray that view again in a year to see if it's worse or better or the same. The pellets did wonders on Mikey's hock (we were going to xray in Feb as a check on how well it worked), and it promises to clear up little blemishes like this (in addition to OCD, DJD, etc, just click the link above for more info), so we'll give it a go. It wasn't enough to make us concerned about his future soundness.

Obviously I've been out to see him every day, but if I keep talking in this post, it's just going to get longer and longer... so I'll write some new posts instead!

When Purchasing a Horse...

I've been working on this post for a while, mostly because I didn't want to jinx it, and I wanted to wait for it to be final (or not), before posting anything about it on here.

I have been pursuing the ownership of a 6 yr old, 15.3 3/4 Oldenburg x TB gelding named "Illusion". Jess at Riding Rainbow sent him to me, and I cannot thank her enough :-)

Pretty boy who needs weight and a topline and a spa day.

Still cute.

So, when purchasing a horse, do the following:

1. Bash your head on your desk as you fill out applications for rescued thoroughbreds and sort through the hundreds of ads of horses on various websites AND Facebook. Your newsfeed is inundated with "fancy expensive Warmblood" and "OTTBs that just need some love!" I didn't horse shop when I bought Mikey. He was easy. He was there, I had been riding him, I loved him, done. Horse shopping is awful and I hate it.

Lots of action and very little training.

2. Go see a horse when you found what you want for the price that you want. Make sure it is ASAP so someone else doesn't buy said horse before you have a chance to see him. I saw Illusion 3 days after I was made aware of his existence. A day of 11 hours of driving, about a 15 minute ride, and hours of discussion.

Still adorable even though he needs work.

3. Decide you want said horse. This was tough. He felt a little small to me, but I think with muscle and more weight, he'll feel fine. Plus I can cross my fingers that he will grow (unlikely). He's a sweetie, a cuddle bug, and very agreeable. Hopefully he stays that way! The only hang up I had on him was his height. I really wanted something at least 16.1hh, but less than 17hh.

His go to is curling. We'll fix it :-)

I finally figured out that: I don't want another OTTB right now. I want to get into the upper levels of dressage and while OTTBs are capable, it's just not what I'm looking for at the moment. Illusion is a fancier warmblood who is the right price since I can't afford the fancy warmblood I want. Finally, he is a perfect resale project for juniors or adult amateurs once he hits second/third level and doing well at it out in public (if I don't absolutely fall in love with him and make him my next heart horse). If I sold him after he's successfully going in public, I'll finally be getting to the lower end of the fancy dressage horses I want.

Seriously, can we stop and talk about the adorable factor here?

4. Deposit agreements, Trial agreements, Bill of Sale. SO MUCH SIGNING OF STUFF! Make arrangements to come back and get him.

Loving my trailer cam so I can constantly check on his pretty face.

5. Oh yea, before you pick him up, slap some insurance on him. I sign things, the owner signs things, we all sign things. This also sucks.

We had some loading issues, but this is how he stood for the 6 hours home. Even when we stopped for lunch. Didn't move.

6. Pre-purchase exam. Please pass, please pass.

"Hmm, this new house... I guess it's cool!"

7. Mine!

Someone doesn't like carrots.

But he's super relaxed at our barn.

Ahhhh, flop over for sleepy time.

Completely adorbs.

I can't help myself...

Hum Drum Life

There are exciting things going on in my life now! More on that in another post though.

But I had to go to the barn and clean up my trailer and organize Mikey's stuff... I cleaned some of his stuff the night he died, for lack of something to do. But things like his saddle pad and surcingle needed to be cleaned still. (They're still dirty, I took them home but that's all I could do). Anyway, I cleaned the trailer and reset it for it's next trip, whatever it may be. I tried to find some various items and couldn't, so that's not cool. I have to do some more digging around and get some better organization going on. Things got shuffled when I had to get the trailer ready to haul two horses to the last show. I did do some of Mikey's washing that's been sitting in my basement- ie standing wraps.

I did go down to the outdoor arena to watch lessons (part of the reason my trailer didn't get completely organized). I haven't been down there since Mikey was buried in the jump field. When I got there, instead of feeling gloomy, I got to have a laugh. One of the ladies was down there on her giant white horse (18hh) and I immediately recognized the look of drunk steering that comes with crossed reins.

It was nice to watch her lesson. She improved so much in the 20 min that I watched her. She's a heavy pull the inside rein to turn get bend/turn to the inside, and it hurts her on course when she lets the outside shoulder get away. Her horse is a lovely fellow. He's not going to win any movement competitions, but he's quiet and sane and has a good bit of get up and go (until he gets tired!). He's used to her riding his front end and steering him like he's a Mack Truck. Well, he was not pleased with the turn of events! Crossing her reins made her use her outside hand and inside leg and put him in proper bend and he had to carry himself. He was not pleased and had a couple temper tantrums before coming round and really using himself. It was lovely to see.

I helped finish stalls, and by then it was quite dark and time for me to go home. Not a very exciting day, but hopefully I have more exciting posts in the future!

Hovering Grasshoppers

I went on my weekly trail riding date today. I took Shea. She's my surrogate horse until I find something of my own.

Back in February. Sorry for the old photo! 

She's a love bug and is bold and enjoys working. She likes hugs but doesn't really know about the world of treats yet. I'm working on fixing that!

So she's leading and we're walking along through a meadow, and there's a ton of grasshoppers jumping and flying.

I totally did not know that they could hover. Shea didn't either. Nature did not act in the manner in which she's accustomed, aka she walks and it gets out of her way.

She had the cutest little spook at one that popped up and hovered directly in her way. She gave it plenty of room as she walked past it. Then a butterfly came by and she gave it the hairy eye, hahaha. Baby spooks are cute when the horse is confident enough to try and figure out what's scary.

Healing

Friday I took Ed (18hh+ horse in the crossties) and Shea (looking sleepy in the stall on the right) on walks.

From here on out, I am going to attempt to be positive and upbeat. It is not my goal to be the depressed girl writing about crying, etc. I miss Mikey. I will always miss Mikey.

Wednesday I wallowed and cried and napped and repeated the process. I needed to do that.

Thursday I tried to be busy. I had breakfast with mom, walked the dog with her, went home and realized I didn't want to be alone, so I went back to my parent's house (my husband is away on a trip he planned a year ago) and I hung out there for an obscene amount of time. Luckily, they like me. I also spent Thursday dealing with obscene stomach pain. I thought I was going to be the next person featured on "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant", that's how much abdominal pain I was in. I figured it was because I was so upset and spent literally an entire day crying.

Friday I went to the barn. I didn't know what else to do. My life revolves around riding. My horse died, and I had no idea what to do with my time. My trainer had said she is not letting me stop riding, so I asked her if anything needed to go for a walk, and she said "Absolutely!" and I took Shea and Ed for walks with her. We chatted about many things.

We chatted about Mikey's death. One of our ladies (we'll call her Kay) works for the vet and she knew what happened. The secretary had read about Mikey on Facebook, and when Kay and the vet came back to the office from rounds, she was all, "What happened to Mikey?!" Kay told them, and the vet immediately agreed that he had an aortic aneurysm, no question. And that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. Let me say for those who don't know (I didn't before), there's a lot of blood when this happens. She said it was worse because his heart rate was up and his adrenaline pumping. Had it happened in the field, there wouldn't have been near as much. Trainer mentioned it's why when racehorses and event horses collapse dead that they bring up a screen. It's an ugly sight not meant to be seen by anyone. She said the same thing happened to a lady in our area that was out doing gallop sets with her horse. The horse collapsed and fell on her, broke her pelvis and other bones, and she couldn't get to her cell phone for help and had to wait for someone to find her. Mikey was not doing any work that we hadn't done before, and not working harder than usual. Hell, it happened when he was trotting!

Something that has helped ease my grief is the following: I was a constant in his life, and it was for the majority of his life. Looking at it that way, he had his best friend for life and never had to say goodbye or be without me after the racetrack part was done. Yes, I have to be without him now. Such is life when you have animals. He didn't have to be without me though.

We chatted about the 'dead horse diet'. I've lost about 5 pounds since his death. Trainer has thinned out enough that one of her clients that hauls in (and so doesn't see her every day) commented on it (she's thin to begin with). Neither of us are hungry and we're not eating. She loved Mikey. A lot. So did I.

We talked about his stall and his stuff. She said that she left the stall empty for 2 days because she couldn't bear to put anyone in it... and then she had to put a horse in it because she couldn't bear not having a head poke out to greet her. It was a reminder every day of the horse she loved being gone. I stuffed Mikey's halter into my trunk after it happened because I couldn't bear to look at it. I saw it when I got my helmet out and it made me cry. I don't know how I'll be able to look at his show halter that has a plaque with his name. I'll have to clean and oil and polish it up so I can put it in my horse boxes and never have to look at it again.

We talked about how to memorialize him. I said that I don't have any tattoos, and I didn't want any, but I have the urge to tattoo his name on me somewhere. One of the girls mentioned I should put his show name and his Jockey Club tattoo number on me. Everyone assured me I could get it written small in an easy to hide place. I love this idea. I won't regret it. But I can't bring myself to do it because needles freak me out. We both loved the tree idea. She said I cane get an "In Memory Of" plate for his stall. This horse was so loved. It's overwhelming. Everyone is hurting... just like I am.

We talked about my next horse.

Before anyone judges me for beginning my horse hunt less than a week after my horse's death, know that I have no idea what to do with myself without my own horse. I filled out a New Vocations application because it filled my time, I will eventually get a new horse, and maybe it will be from there. I don't want a new horse. I want Mikey. But I can't have him. In a few months I will be wanting my own horse, so I may as well start my search now. It may take months to find the right partner for me. It may not.

Trainer pointed out that if I already owned Mikey's replacement and then Mikey died, I would have taken a few days off and then been back out to ride and love on my second horse. Luckily, everyone who knows I'm looking for my next horse has been very supportive. One even said, "I can't imagine you without a horse, so get looking! Send me pictures of what you go see." More than one person has said that the next horse will help me heal from the loss of Mikey. They've pointed out that if it was a small pet, like a dog or cat, I may have mourned until the next weekend, but I would have gone out and rescued another animal to help fill the void in my life, to save a life, and help me heal.

We talked about what my budget would/should be and what I could expect to find in that budget. Basically, I will be looking for a promising OTTB, a TB cross, or an unbroke warmblood between the ages of 3 and 7 and at least 16.2hh because I need something large to fill my leg. It needs to be in a dressage direction. Maybe the rare blue diamond will pop up and a broke young fancier warmblood will come up in my price range. I won't find him by not looking. I'm torn- I love OTTBs. I stand firm by them. They have heart and try. I also know how hard dressage is for them. How hard it is for long distance runners to body build. Then I look at the fact that I do want to do dressage and if I want to be competitive (and more than adequate and capable), then I really need a warmblood or WB cross.

And so I search. I have a very promising lead I'm not willing to share on here yet, and some other less promising ones that I'm investigating.

Devastation

The last picture I ever took of him. He was so happy to be out hacking around. The joy almost radiated off of him as he had a swing in his step on our walk. 

I want to thank everyone for their love and support. I am devastated and heartbroken at the loss of my partner and friend. He has seen me through every boyfriend, my high school graduation, my college graduation, getting married, and buying a house. He was a permanent fixture in my life.

I expected him to be an old man when he finally passed and for us to have at least 20 years together. I only got 11 and I feel cheated out of the last 9. He deserved a retirement of trail riding and showing a rider or two through the ropes of training level dressage and winning lots of blue ribbons doing it.

Mikey had an aortic aneurysm while he was working (no one was sitting on him thankfully). It was not preventable and could have happened at any time. He had died before he even hit the ground. He did not suffer. I watched him pass, and him falling very unathletically without trying to save himself replays over and over in my mind. It will haunt me for a long time.

Wednesday morning he was buried in the jump field. He's looking over the dressage arena. He liked to jump more than do dressage anyway. I know he'll be looking down on the arena from the big green pasture on the other side saying, "Haha, you have to work!"

I am so glad that he is buried at his favorite place in the world. He loved that farm. The quiet, the woods, the endless grass. He was happiest there and everyone knew it.

I tried to seek some comfort while he was being put in his grave by petting the other horses. It didn't help. None of them are Mikey, and I just wanted my friend back. I still do. I keep thinking, maybe this is just a bad dream and I'll wake up. Except I'm not waking up no matter how hard I pinch myself.

In the spring, I'll buy an apple tree to plant on his grave that will eventually shade him and produce treats for the horses to eat. I feel like that is the best possible tribute.

I spent Wednesday crying my eyes out and playing the 'what if' game. What if I had just retired him when he had hock surgery? He probably would never have worked hard enough to burst his aorta. What if I had decided not to go riding that night and instead went to the camaro club meeting with my husband? Mikey would have stayed in his field, grazing away. In both cases, I would still have him. Thank you Austen for kicking me out of that thinking. He liked to work and he liked to please. He was happier seeing me every day.

I got his nibble net for alfalfa at horse shows and his next order of 12lbs of chia in the mail Thursday. I couldn't open either.

My biggest regret is that I never got to tell him one more time that he was a good boy. It's what he lived for. He passed too quickly, but maybe that's a good thing because if I had a chance to tell him, he would have been suffering. I'm so happy I gave him an apple before we worked that night. I got to love on him and give him one last special treat. I told him every time I saw him that I loved him and he was a good boy. I don't regret the ridiculous number of horse cookies I went through.

All I can hope is that he knows how much my heart hurts from wherever he is on the other side. And that he was so very loved by everyone, not just me.

Hug your horses a little tighter today, because I can't.